Jan 7, 2010

Not Really Sure How To Title This

Not sure if I mentioned after I had my surgery in February that my surgeon did not do what he explained to me that he was going to do before I went into surgery. He was originally going to fuse higher up on my disks, but he told me after surgery he did not see the need after he got me opened up to do so.

So here I am still with all this pain just as if I never had anything done, and I am like come on man somebody needs to hear me here, there is something wrong. Well I was going to finally give up and go to Cleveland clinic because I was getting nowhere here in my town with any surgeons.

So I called my primary doctor and told him what the heck was going on and he said before I go to Cleveland let's try sending you to a pain specialist here in South Bend, okay I agreed, so today is my appointment.

But back to my pain and things just not feeling right in both legs, and especially my left leg real bad. My surgeon sent me for another MRI and what do ya know, where he did not fuse they have fallen forward and are causing some of this pain, not all but most. So I called him up, and of course being busy he had to call me when he could.

So he called me back and he said yes he messed up, but he told me a story and I am not going to go into everything he told me, BUT I do understand why he made the choice to close me up and get me off of the table. First of all I was bleeding very bad to begin with and needed a blood transfusion, but that is not exactly why he made the call to get the two disks done and close.

So now I have the choice of having another surgery to get it right this time, and going through all this again, hubby is worried maybe this time I won't be able to walk at all as well as I am. Or living with the pain and numbness, and on all these meds the rest of my life.

So what do I do? 'I am letting go and letting God' I am at my wits end with the pain and getting frustrated, agitated, having cold sweats because of all of this pain and the medications, and at times, I am only human, I take it out on the ones I love and I honestly do NOT mean to do it, but I do, I'm just so tired.

On top of all of that the medications I am on cause short term memory loss and confusion, so believe me that happens often like every dag gone day, and I am so sick of it. It sure doesn't make for a pleasant family life at times let me tell ya, but I can't help it. There is someone in our family who thinks we can help it and control it but we can't. And what I mean by we, my oldest sister has the same exact thing going on with her too, and it has taken her 4 years to feel a little better then she did before her back surgery. But she also has other things going on with her besides just her back.

Some of the side effects of these meds are not good, and they do cause this or that, blah, blah, blah, but then what do you do just not take them and suffer. I pray every night and every morning, sometimes all through the day, for Him to help me just make it through that day, and we'll be good to go for the next day to do it all over again.

Okay, so I am off to see a pain specialist, so we shall see what this doctor has to say. Have an awesome Thrusday everyone!


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